A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God,she asked," Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have aface-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and atummy tuck.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I hadanother 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?"

God replied,"Giiirrrlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!"

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,
"Don't flush, don't flush!"