Things You Would Like To Say Out Loud At Work

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
Do I look like a people person?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
How about never? Is never good for you?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I can see your point, but I still think you're nuts.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a darn.
I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses!
Whatever kind of look you were going for you obviously missed.