A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".
She then takes her blood pressure.
And tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams: "When I came in here I was tall and slender!
Now I'm short and fat!"

If all tax advisers were laid end to end, they would not reach an opinion.

In tax rules, miscellaneous is always the largest category.

Where there's a will there's a tax shelter.

A penny saved is bound to be taxed.

I don't have a tax solution, but I admire the problem.

If the chance of getting a tax audit is 1000 to 1, why is it 50/50 that it will be you?

A detailed analysis of tax strategy usually reveals that the best time to take positive tax action is last year.

I like being sent tax returns by pessimistic tax inspectors--they never expect to get them back
A tax inspector is someone who persists in holding his own view even after we've enlightened him with ours.
There are two sides to a debate on tax: until you take one.

For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong.
Due to taxation, politicians find it increasingly difficult to reconcile their net incomes with their gross habits.

Golf is a lot like taxes -- you drive hard to get to the green and then wind up in the hole.
Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day, and ends with cries of "May Day!"?

Do your tax return before breakfast and nothing worse will happen to you all day.

A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait until income tax time.

George Washington never told a lie, but then he never had to file a Form 1040.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, despite having had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself tosafety. Unfortunately for the blonde, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. Her head is battered against the ground, mere moments away from unconsciousness when...

Stan the Walmart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, when then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."