Do YOU Know Your State Motto?

Alabama: Heck Yes, We Have Electricity
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Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
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Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
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Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
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California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
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Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
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Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
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Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
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Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
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Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
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Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
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Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
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Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
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Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
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Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
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Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
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Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
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Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
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Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
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Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
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Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
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Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
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Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
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Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
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Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
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Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Little Else
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Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
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Nevada: Prostitutes and Poker!
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New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
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New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
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New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
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New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To an Attorney
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North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
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North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
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Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
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Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
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Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner...
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Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
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Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
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South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender
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South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
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Tennessee: The Educashun State
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Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
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Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
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Vermont: Yep
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Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slack jaw Yokels Don't Mix?
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Washington: Help! Nerds And Slackers Overrun Us!
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Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
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West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
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Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
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Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and The Sheep Are Scared

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.

They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.

Well, the guy has his doubts, but hHe needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.

The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.

During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars.

He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"

The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise," were my last words.

The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.

Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!

Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quit pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equaled 12 cuckoos!

The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised." He didn't even raise and eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!

After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."

A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

So, the Pope decides to kick all the Jews out of Italy. Obviously, there is a huge uproar. The Pope decides to quell them by having a debate: The Jews choose a representative, and if he beats the Pope in the debate, then the Jews can stay. After some deliberation, the Jews find a wisened old Rabbi named Moisha. There is only one problem: Moisha speaks not a word of Italian and the Pope speaks no Yiddish. So, it is decided that it will be a silent debate.

On the day of the debate, the two men face off and stare each other down for a good 5 minutes. Finally, the Pope raises three fingers. Moisha reponds by raising one. The Pope pauses for a moment, then waves his finger in a wide circle around his head. Moisha quickly responds by pointing to the ground. A longer pause, and finally the Pope brings out a chalice and wafer. Moisha produces an apple. The Pope stops the debate and declares Moisha the winner. The Jews can stay.

Later that day, the Pope is surrounded by the cardinals who want to understand what had happened. The Pope sighed: "He was just too clever for me, I could not beat him, so I had to give up. First, I held up three fingers to represent the trinity, then he put up one, to reperesent the one god our faiths share. Then, I pointed around to indicate that God is everywhere. He then pointed down to indicate that God was also with us right there at that moment. Finally I brought out the chalice and wafter to represent God's forgivness for our sins, but he took out an Apple, representing the original sin. At that point, I could see there was no point in continuing."

On the other side of town, the Jews had gathered around Moisha. "What happened?" "How did you do it?" Moisha waved a hand to quiet them. "I really don't know exactly. First, he tells me that all the Jews have to be gone in three days. I tell him to go screw himself. Then, he tells me that all the Jews have to go. I tell him that we're staying right here." A young Jew asked excitedly "What happened next?" Moisha replied "I'm not sure. He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."