An engineer died and came to Heaven. At St. Peter's gate, the engineer said, "St. Peter, Please let me go into Heaven."St Peter checked through his list and replied, "Sorry, you are not on the list." "but, I am suppose to be in heaven!" The engineer disappointed."You are not on the list." St Peter shrugged.

So the engineer came to the hell. Satan said, "So they don't want you, then come on in."Not long after the engineer got in hell, he helped the hell get electricity, air conditioning and running water. God makes his regular monthly call to the hell, he asks Satan,"How is everything down there?"Satan said, " Really good. Thanks for the engineer, we have electricity, air conditioning and running water now.'God said, 'Then he belongs to heaven. I want him in heaven"Satan said, "You didn't take him, now you can't have him."God said, "I will sue you!"Satan laughed: " Where can you find a lawyer in heaven?!"

"Do you want to go to heaven?"

Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal, and said to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" and approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?""Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest, as he walked up to O'Toole.
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
"No, I don't Father," O'Toole replied.
The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Take note…

There is a virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

I'm off to the stores!